Satire
It’s Time We Listen to Those
Wanting to Shrink Government

With thousands of Americans protesting big government, I think it’s time we listen.

We’ll start by dumping discussion of a public health care option. After all, it’s clear that Americans are too freaked out about such a program. But to be consistent with the protesters’, analysts’ and policymakers’ demands, we should also:

Get rid of Medicare and Medicaid. These are big government programs that only benefit a few people. Such a socialist system only serves entrenched Americans who failed to plan for future medical costs. Sure, my mom will be without health insurance, but that’s just tough luck.

Shut down Social Security. Again, who does this help but a few hundred million people who failed to save enough for retirement? It’s not my fault, as an American taxpayer, that pensions and 401ks are under funded. By getting rid of the government-run program, business will jump right in to help current and former employees. I’ll be making a sacrifice here, too: We’ll force mom to sell her condo before she moves in with my unemployed sorry ass.

Get rid of public education. The system is a complete failure because we try to educate children we shouldn’t even bother with. Instead, let capitalists use supply and demand to determine who should get a quality education. I’m sure that business owners will provide high-quality education in poor neighborhoods even if parents can’t afford steep tuition rates.

Forget unemployment benefits. Why should only wage slaves get benefits? Why do so many small business owners, real estate agents, construction workers and freelancers get left out? It’s an unfair system and leads to Americans NOT looking for jobs. Sure, there is only 1 job for every 2,000 applicants, but if we get rid of unemployment benefits, Americans would CREATE the missing jobs.

Shut down the EPA. How dare a few policy makers decide if I can dam a river, kill off an endangered owl or spray DDT into my neighbors back yard? Such an agency is un-American.

Dismantle the FDA. I mean, come one, you know how I feel about this agency. It doesn’t work, so let’s just close it. Let the eater beware. If a few people die, stop buying that brand; eventually, the market place will take care of everything.

Ditto the CPSC. Why should the government give half a care whether toys are safe or an electric shaver has a tendency to electrocute its user?

Privatize the Military. Well gee, we all know how the Pentagon spent $34,560 for 54 toilet seats. I’m sure Blackwater will do a stand up job, and the tax savings will be enormous.

Fire everyone at the SEC. Who gave the U.S. government the right to regulate stock trading? It’s yet again another example of big government exercising power over markets just because it feels like it. Besides, unfettered capitalism would have prevented Bernie Madoff from turning to the dark side. In true Capitalism, Bernie wouldn’t feel the need to cheat investors to become a billionaire.

On the other hand, all financial industry bailouts should be left in place. Why? Look, how can politicians be expected to stay in power if their friends go broke? No, we need to keep the financial titans healthy and strong because they are a special case that cannot succeed on a level playing field.

You would think that is sooooo obvious.

19 thoughts on “Satire
It’s Time We Listen to Those
Wanting to Shrink Government

  1. Dan

    “Satire”? No, smugness through and through. I doubt many of the protesters were in favor of the bailouts, but don’t let that stop you from feeling superior to them.
    And by the way which proponents of capitalism argue that it entails “let[ting] capitalists use supply and demand …”? What does that even mean?

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  2. brettdl

    Smug? Now that’s funny, since it means highly self-satisfied, something I don’t feel at all. But I suppose I could label this smugtire just for you.
    As to your question: I just find it humorous that Capitalism is used as the solution to all of society’s ills.

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  3. Idaho Dad

    It’s funny how most of these people screaming for smaller government and against government-run health care have no qualms about dumping their kids into the government-run education system.

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  4. Justin

    Satire
    Hopefully your children will live comfortably off of the warm milk of the nation’s teet, secreted away from the corrupting ideas of freedom and individuality. We know you will teach them that their fellow citizens are there for them, and that is why their father worked to give them the security of government programs that will comfort them in the life of enslavement he so warmly nourished.

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  5. steve bourg

    This attempt at satire shows a total lack of understanding of the concerns we have with Obama. He is making a huge attempt at a federal govt power-grab, and more govt spending is the opposite of what we need now……because it robs the future taxpayers and prevents any meaningful tax cuts now. We don’t need this Keynes on steroids approach right now. It will NOT help the private sector revitalize our economy. Period.

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  6. Pete

    @ steve bourg
    “Keynes on steroids”
    What a joke. You show your ignorance with that one short phrase. Most Keynesian-inclined economists (Krugman being the most vocal) have been howling about how inadequate the stimulus $$ are. And by the way, if you had really *listened* to Obama’s speech on healthcare last week, you would have realized that it was the progressive wing of the Democratic party that was left out to dry. The so-called ‘public option’ was more or less ritually sacrificed that night. If there’s anyone who *should* be mad as hell, it’s liberals. But whatever–feel free to continue in your delusions of persecution and government encroachment.

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  7. Jon Mortgage Modification Issues

    Now I find that Atlas Shrugged comment absolutely hilarious…
    Have you read Atlas Shrugged?
    It was about how society at large was basically taking from the most wealthy and talented and giving it to the common man who had not put a dime of his own effort or ability to receive such largess.
    No, what we have now is the opposite.
    Our so called “talented” and “those with ability” messed up big time and burned down their playhouse, and now they are robbing the tax dollars of average Americans to pay themselves bonuses.
    Oh, and of course pay lobbyists to keep regulation reform from happening so they can ride the new taxpayer gravy train.
    I find it hilarious that people support giving billions and trillions to banks but scream their head off if you try to cover Grandma’s health or help out the unemployed.

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  8. John Gault

    As a matter of fact, I did read “Atlas Shrugged”…
    …but just in case you don’t believe my interpretation (which was the basis for my comment above), try reading the first paragraph of the Wiki entry, which contains this sentence:
    “The protagonist, Dagny Taggart, sees society collapse around her AS THE GOVERNMENT INCREASINGLY ASSERTS CONTROL OVER ALL INDUSTRY…” [Note: CAPS are mine.]
    The article above is clearly clammoring for more government control.
    And Atlas is about to shrug.
    Get it now?
    JG

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  9. MarkP

    It’s from blogs like this that I despair for the level of debate from both the left and right…
    I am a strong supporter of public health care system – like France or the UK but to say that capitalism (or the free market) is the root of all ills – is plain silly.
    Capitalism is what generates the wealth to pay for our desired health care system, so don’t knock it. We will require successful corporations to fund our health care.

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  10. brettdl

    For the record, I never call for more government intervention. I don’t call for anything.
    MarkP: Do you despair the content of the blog or the comments or both?

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  11. Mark S

    Much of the satire fell flat on me. Some of the items that you are being sarcastic about sounds like reasonable things that we need to consider.
    To be fair, I think that you’re oversimplifications that support your views and your satire are not helpful. Nor are some of the oversimplifications that show up on the signs at the mass protests, either for or against current policies.
    If I’m reading your sarcasm/satire correctly, you believe that government is the answer to all of our problems, that the free market can’t be relied upon?
    Are you suggesting that the government is capable of doing things that individuals and private entities are incapable of? Really? Do people in government descend from a superior race of people who are far more capable and intelligent than individuals?
    If so (and we know it’s not so, but just for argument’s sake), how’s that been working out so far?
    I just do not get how a taxpayer funded, guaranteed retirement, health insurance plan, housing, and protection from every real or perceived threat, whether from food, toys, chemicals, drugs has to come from out government as if they are “rights”.
    I’m not saying that all have to be done away with, but the sense of entitlement coupled with the lack of understanding of how this stuff is going to be paid for astounds me.
    Anyway, I have to get going because I have to email my daughter’s history teacher (public school) as to why he’s taking multiple class periods to show Michael Moore movies and is passing them off as “documentaries” to the students. Somehow, “Roger and Me” is being tied into the lesson on the Industrial Revolution and I’m baffled. Maybe I’m just assuming the worse.

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  12. brettdl

    Nah, apparently my satire didn’t work, Mark. I wasn’t trying to take sides. I was just trying to point out the absurdity of the extremes.
    As you know from my earlier posts, I wasn’t keen on the bailout of the financial companies. I also don’t think we should be bailing out those who bought more house than they could afford.
    I do think our attitudes toward health care are somewhat odd considering how much trouble most of us have had with private insurance. I mean, we pay for our health insurance and they don’t want to pay our doctors because they are calling my son’s burns a “pre-existing condition.” How anyone can support the EXISTING system baffles me.
    But I should point out that I don’t buy into any of the extreme positions. I’m much more interested in practical solutions. My attempt to make fun of it all simply fell flat on its face.
    But that’s the beauty of comments. Learn, learn, learn.

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  13. Mark S

    Satire/Sarcasm can be hard sometimes. I always make sure I include a liberal smattering of 🙂 :-)’s
    Anyway, about the health care “reform”. I seem to hear a lot about it that has me thinking that it really won’t be fixed. It will be made worse for many people.
    As you accurately point out there are a lot of problems with the current system, and nothing is being done to fix those problems.
    Preventing competition across state lines? Tort reform? How pre-existing conditions are handled? How insurance companies dictate what medications and procedures you can get, rather than letting doctors have more of a say.
    I’ve been prescribed drugs only to show up to pick up the prescription and the pharmacy tells me that I can’t have it. I have to first try alternative treatments.
    There is enough bureacracy with private insurance. I certainly don’t want more.
    I don’t think that a lot of people are defending the current system as being perfect and that it shouldn’t be touched as much as people are saying, “We know you’ll screw it up more than it already is, so hands off.”
    That’s my take.
    I have very little faith in government to do the right things most of the time.

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  14. Jane

    I think we have the same sentiments here. People whines all the time. Then when they got what they want they will ask for something else again. Crazy world! Thanks for sharing your insights. By the way, these best gifts that you could give your better-half might interest you too. Thanks and have a nice and fulfilling day.

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